What the **** are toilets for…….

I have been living in bangalore for over a year now….the climate is great…..the food even though its expensive its pretty much ok….there are lots of places to hang out, although for the best part of the day I am an introvert I would still like to keep my options open….let me warn u, there are some very pertinent and perrinial problems like the Traffic, Auto drivers who want to be millionaires with their night time fares or the occassional eunuch you see on the road dressed for a marriage yet begging for money and demanding for it at the same time, I can still safely say that I love this place……

Now u guys …(the few whom I persuade to read the jibberish I come up with)..must be wondering what the title of this blog stands for…..

My office is near by Majestic Bus stand….i am sure all of you know were dat is….every day at about 9 in the morning I get down at platform 13 and walk on the fly over and drag myself through the plethora of people around me to get to the office….As u make your way out of the bus stand, you cant help but notice a whole motley of vendors on the pavement outside… I can literally make out their faces now…probably even draw a sketch or a caricature of them….and even if one of them goes missing one day I would notice it ….dats how inconspicuous and “perfect to my eye” they have become….Its like people have staked their claim on the pavement outside…there are a couple of guys who have set up their stalls selling mobile phone gizmos(never have I seen anyone buyin anything from them), then there is this guy selling mirrors and other bric and brak…there is a small “pandal” selling shoes of all brands..from bata to georgio armani….and then there are my favourite people the “poori walas”, never in my life have I seen people more aggressive and passionate about their work….The have their work divided amongst themselves…there are guys who spread out the dough, guys who put it on the pan, guys who serve it, guys who collect the money and guys who do the marketing bit and boy all of them do a good job…..Who says u need an MBA to be a manager..Arindam Choudary…better write a book on these folks next time….

After writing all of this I realise I have deviated from my topic….

So let me steer my self back on to my “blog Track”

Right beside the poori walas Empire….is a big wall…I don’t know wats on the other side…but it’s a big wall nonetheless ……

And you cant help but notice that some one has taken the effort to clean the pavement….how do u know dat, some of my passionate followers might ask…well I bet u can make out the marks left on the pavement after water has dried out..water which someone obviously used to clean the pavement….Einstien…..

And then you see the occassional Guy who is relieving himslef against the same wall….I don’t know about others but I seriously feel like kicking him where it hurts the most, for crying out loud …he has some audacity to do dat and spoil some ones early morning effort…whereas a 2 rupee coin would give him a toilet and some privacy, which he obviously is oblivious about.

Any ways……. I like to go to office with a clear mind and some how try to erase those thoughts from my mind….Most of the days I have an easy time at the office and at about 8 or nine in the evening I pack my bags and walk back with my friends to the bus stand….

And when I am about to reach the same wall….yeah you are correct …the very wall …against which a moron was proving his shamlessness and exercising his so called “Male earned rights”…..I cant help but notice dat there are almost ten or twenty times the number of morons …..and that some one has cleaned the pavement again..and tis time u can actually see the water…it hasn’t dried off!!!!!

And right about the time when you start appreciating the cleaners persistance and loyalty towards his work…you feel ashamed of the fact dat you are a “Man”…..What you think is water is something else…..and I bet you know where I am coming from…or to be more precise where the water is coming from…The marks that you see every morning are not the marks left behind when water evaporated they are somehting else…..And there is so much of it dat I actually feel the poori walas gang would have a boat hidden somewhere near by for the imminent flood …….

I lose my sense of respect for the Poori walas..coz they sell food around such filth….i feel sorry for vendors who despite the odour sit and sell their cheap merchandise….i feel sorry for me and my friends for having walked through all of that not knowing wat it was…..But most of all I feel sorry for those elegant Artists who have their work displayed free of cost on the wall and on the pavement….

Its high time they are paid for their work….At this rate even if the poori walas drown or not…..those artists will probably die of dehydration or working for free….dats for sure….

And if that happens…..My God ……..dat will bring a smile to my face….Coz never have I been more ashamed of being a man……….

Pictures of my life!!!

every day I paint a new picture,one that becomes my life
dont paint with colors but with emotions, I know will never suffice
I dont paint rainbows nor mountains nor the sun shining through clouds
Mine are more elaborate, even though time wears the shapes out
My pictures are never complete, for the next day I add on more
But they speak more than my words can, of that I am so sure
my dreams give me more colors and with them I paint my days
they give my life more meaning and make my pain allay

Everyday i paint a new picture, one from my days long gone
I paint with colors not emotions,it hurts to be fake, but I still carry on
I know it is futile but, still I try to change those days
Try to paint clouds and rainbows,try to paint a smile on my face
Even though now the pictures are complete,to them I can't relate
For all they speak is silence and all they show is hate
I dont want to paint those days any more as my colors have dried up now
I have chosen to paint my days ahead, I have chosen to make them count

The word i Dread!!!!!!!!!!

The people whom i care about are not those who always make me laugh, they are not those who stick to me no matter what i have done(right or wrong), in fact they disappoint me time and again.
Let me also add that my standards are very dubious and i have them for every one except myself.
Also, many people disappoint me(both friends, foes and even those i don't know), but the people whom i am still able to talk eye to eye even though they disappoint me are those i care about. I am biased towards them, sometimes blatantly back them no matter what, but what i want to prove is that i will be there even if they think i am not worthy of their trust! Not only to shower praises on them but also bare the brunt if push comes to shove!!

I thought my worst fear was the feeling that "i was hated by some one", i couldn't live with that thought in mind. Then i thought that being indifferent in someones eyes is worse. But now i know the thing i fear the most.....
What is that u might ask!!!!

Well its being classified as "Everybody".Comprehend??? No?? Well, let me explain...........

I don't expect the people whom i care about to reelect the same feeling towards me. Because i know that would be very unjust to them. but having said that, what would be more unjust is them telling me not to care about them........ Who in the name of God gave them that divine right???

I care about someone not because they were good to me during the times i was a mess, probably sulking around. Instead i care about them because i want to be good to them no matter what. Because being good to the people i care about make me happy, above all.... And I shamelessly admit it!!!!!

I couldn't care less if they don't have the same feeling of warmth towards me(although i admit that at times it hurts a bit), i wouldn't mind if they started hating me(even though i would cry for some time, i know i will get over,eventually). but one thing i know for sure is that, it would KILL me if the people i care about classify me as "every one".


Be it through love or be it through hate i want to be special in some regard in their life, for one thing i know hate and love look a lot alike from where i stand!!!!!!
but being categorized as "everyone" that doesn't make u special.That just makes u another one to make up the numbers,another marking on the wall and another person in the crowd.

I for one dont want to be that..........

Someday!!!!!!!!

Someday I will fly

and the world will want to be me

Someday I will stand tall

I'll forget the shame and once again breathe

Some day I will cry

and my tears will wash away the scars I have

Someday I will scream

the silence that imprisons me will break at last

some day I will forget

all the pain I endured in my struggle to be free

Someday I will break

the shackles that bind me and my dreams

Someday I will no longer run away

but will conquer fear with the memories long gone

Someday I will no longer complain

for then I will have all I ever want

Someday I will smile

for then I will finally start to believe

Someday when I have gone away

The world will stand still and cry for me

its time we lost the war

fought hard not to break down, fought to not fail

didnt realise the time we lost and the friends that went away

emotions took a beating but stuck to our way of life

but our victories left us stranded and our greed wouldn't suffice

were passionate about our endeavours but forgot how once we smiled

how once we dream't all through the day, into the night

defeat was not an option for it left us hungry for more

victory became our prerogative although it left us unsure

jelousy became a companion, life a long lost cause

indifference became second nature, to life and what we lost

ambitions became pretexts for why we all had changed

forgot to let our eyes speak instead we spoke disdain

we fought,but it got us nowhere, although medals we have galore

we win all our battles, but i hope we lose the war
____________________________________________

indestructable

every time I tried to fly, I fell down time and time again

only to give it one more try, even as the world made fun of my shame

never saw the stars up close, never soared through the clouds

but always believed I would make it some day..some day..without a doubt..

each time I failed and fell to the ground below, my spirit took a greater fall

but slowly as I began to rise, I had a smile, though the height I rose was small

and then one day when I saw the stars, felt the clouds with my naked hand

I realised that I missed the ones I'd left..I missed the feel of sand

I knew I couldn't get back there for only higher could I fly

the thought that I wouldn't walk again made me want to cry

so I stopped flapping my wings, it broke my heart as I did

falling through the clouds I had the sight of land ...I had so missed

I knew the fall would hurt me but I battled fear with a smile

I comforted my self by saying..that the pain would only last a while

and then when I hit the ground, it broke my wings but my spirit remained intact

I knew I would never fly again but I got the courage I always lacked

Disappointment!!!!

Some one once told me that the person who cant hide his own disappointments has no right to offer respite when some one else feels the same way.”well said”.But the way I see it – it is easier to console some one else than console the person inside you. For most times you know the person inside you so well that u know any amount of consoling and cajoling yourself wont help. This is my way of looking at this issue and I don't expect any one else to follow my lead!!!!There is another way of putting this topic into perspective,a blunt way to lay out this frame of thought is that you don't clearly understand what the other person is going through during his phase of sulking and cribbing , but when you have to hitch hike a ride in the same wagon it all seems so pragmatic ….so “ not childish” ….so right...isn't it so???



Whenever I see a friend of mine having a bad time...it never crosses my mind why he/she is feeling this way..the only thing I care about is bringing him/her out of this doldrum and some how make them forget all of their problems,even if the period of isolation “from disappointment” is evanescent and fades away quickly , I still feel good if I can some how distract my friend. The way I see it “the End justifies the means” and nothing else matters. I could care less about why that some one feels the way he/she does but some it kills me when I see them in their sorry state!!!!I don't expect any one to feel sorry for me when I am having a bad time. And it is this very state of mind that makes me appreciate some ones concern for me,when he/she actually feels sorry. I agree, I sulk a lot and it takes a lot of time for me to get over,but what this prolonged period of sadness does is that it makes me more skeptical whenever a similar situation arises......and this is believe me it is a good thing.



So for all you “fellow sulkers “ out there..sulk all u want...remember it makes u stronger no matter what any one thinks about it......and there is nothing wrong in consoling some one else, even if at the end of the day you can't do the same for yourself!!!!!!

God of the masses

You can block the sun and allow the darkness to creep in,

But can you rise above it, can you make the fireflies sing?

You can close your eyes and walk not fearing what you might become,

But can you blind others' fears, can you see through their eyes for once?

You can break the shackles at will, you can fight for what you think is right;

But, for once, can you forgive your enemies, can you resist the urge to fight?

You think your courage will get you there, you know all the pain you can endure;

But, to be a god of the masses, you need to be human and much more.

You can spread your wings and fly; you can touch the skies and stars;

But can you make out the faces from up there, once you've gone so far?

You can run faster than all others; you can walk on water, climb the wind;

But can you jump over the walls that surround you, can you break free from within?

You can change the seasons when you want to, make spring come after fall;

But can you have flowers bloom in winter, can you make it snow in summer at all?

You believe that your good deeds will earn you a place, you hope they'll take you to heaven's stairs;

But there is more to being a god of the masses, more than just listening to prayers!

Between life and fiction

I still lose my self every other time, between fiction and life,

I try hard not to give in but my temptation won’t suffice;

For in my thoughts, I could be anyone... any one I choose to be,

I could die and be born again… choose the stories that make my dreams.

In life even though I have earned a place... all I do is complain,

In life my wrinkles deepen every day... but in my thoughts I still remain the same.

I somehow wish my thoughts could be real… this is the only reason I pray,

I could give my whole life for that chance ... for that feeling... for that small day.

I don't rest on my delusions... nor do I hide them inside me,

But I stick on to them for dear life... for with them even with closed eyes I can see.

It brings a smile to my face when I picture myself living in fiction and not in life,

But I know I will fall back to reality... I know its about time!

The day I lost some one I never knew…..

Strange, how some times we don’t even notice how a friendship is going down hill. We take it for granted that things will get sorted out, but deep down inside have this tickling sensation that they never will. We consider ourselves justified in thinking that we had nothing to do with these state of affairs but as the saying goes “It takes two to tango”. No matter how many times we think it over and no matter how we try to console ourselves the blunt truth still eats us from within. The relationship as I said would have been in a state of painful suspense for quite some time. Weeks of not talking and even if u manage to get to that someone to talk all u get is monosyllables, the way I see it silence gives less pain than monosyllables, doesn’t it?? Ultimately what happens is that you start having this feeling of…I wouldn’t say hatred, something less harsh or loud than that. To put it in right words or as the French would say- the “mot juste” would be despise, i.e. you actually start despising that person, no matter how inappropriate and unfair it might sound.

Some say that words over the phone never do justice, I agree, face to face conversation is the best medicine to this ailment. And when the D day comes and you actually start talking face to face, you have this outburst of emotion …… the reason being u feel that u can talk sense into that other person. I know that’s a stupid statement but as Tom Hanks said in his oscar winning Forest Gump – “stupid is what stupid does”. And believe me the stupidity here is not the fact that u had a diarrhea of harsh words or the fact that you only took your emotions into account, the stupidity here is that you didn’t know the other person well enough to realize that he/she would never entertain a difference of opinion.

Then as the days move on, you try to go through the motions and forget that some one, but still contemplate what went wrong and quitely try to find that one stone you probably left unturned .You still put in your efforts (not with the same rigor I might add but an effort none the less) and when you still get silence and the same old monosyllables from the other end you make up your mind. You accept the fact that you have lost some one, someone who at one point of time was very dear to you, some one whom you could open up to. But for all of that-the closeness was interpreted as irritation, the openness you used to cherish was taken as signs of immaturity and weakness and then you make up your mind again, probably for the last time you fear- you lost some one very dear to you…but some one you never really knew.

Brand Consciousness

Living in a place like Bangalore has its plus points for sure-good weather,easy access to all the amenities, a cosmopolitan environment just to name a few.And then there are the so obvious downsides-Excruciatingly slow traffic,high rent,cost of food items just to name a few again.And then there is something I have missed out on purpose. Something that has struck a chord with me in the past few months -the fact that ….. “how brand conscious we have become”.I am not saying it’s a bad thing- After all we have the right to spend our hard earned money in what ever possible way we want to,no matter how ridiculous it might seem to others and to us also.

I blatantly confess that I am a “Brand freak” and in some strange intangible way it gives me a holier than thou attitude over the simpletons who carelessly walk past me… and I in my normal nonchalant demeanor give them a patronizing look ..as if I have graced them by my presence… not because of what I am …but only because of what attire I have adorned !!!!!

A simple four letter word NIKE can do wonders, can’t it.We have all read about enchantresses- Femme fatales who cast a magic spell on their unfortunate victims.. (God .. how I wish I saw one of them J) .And now PRESENTING the enchantresses of the modern era- coming up first NIKE.. followed closely by REEBOK…and then by LEE.. WRANGLER.. the list goes on and on…its like an entourage that is working for a common cause ..that being robbing us off our hard earned money.Some including myself might argue that they look good and are more durable (how many times I have used that word in my defense!!) than the normal tacky stuff that we get.But deep inside we know that no matter how sporty or trendy we think they are or more importantly how others think they are,it still digs a sizable hole in our pockets…

I personally am someone who has a huge fetish for “football jerseys”. All through school and college I could have killed for an England or a Liverpool home jersey and I made it a point to get my self one from my first salary….how much did it cost?? 3000 that’s it .Believe me I could have got 10 decent T shirts for that sum that would have lasted me an eternity. I am sure all of us agree with this universal truth – a higher bank balance makes us more happy than any amount of amount we have splurged upon the branded merchandise.I wasn’t always like this.. Through school and college I never owned a Nike or a Wrangler etc…. which one or two of my friends used to flaunt….but I fitted it just fine… no issues…..Its only now that I have started fending for myself that I have decided to upgrade my wardrobe and believe me its addictive.Coming back to the durability part.I never wear anything for more than a year and my current style of living(pssst…not washing clothes often) takes out every last iota of durability out of them…..even then …just because a Christiano Ronaldo or in more ethnic terms a SRK wears them, I also have to….

Another argument I put in my defense to a friend who isn’t a huge fan of my fetish is that “there are sales going on”, you get nike , adidas etc dirt cheap…TOUCHE – a valid point…but what these sales do is that they make me spend more than I can afford and I end up buying more than I need.

Like it or not the Brand bug has bit me…along with millions of fellow countrymen….and unlike the Steam engine…DOS…and Recession (I dare say) it is here to stay………….

section 377.....its high time

Section 377 - It's high time......

I know it has been a few days now that the infamous section 377 has been revoked and probably many share the same point of view as me..But i will go ahead and put this forward anyways!!! So here goes.....

The way i see it India is a democracy and it has been this way for quite some time now.Forgive me if i am mistaken but in a democracy we have the right to chose our own existence (i know that is a blunt defenition..but that is the best i could come up with),have our own likes and dislikes and above all have our own sense of Individuality.How can all this prevail if our people are not give a chance to chose their sexual orientation??

After all ,even if u like to admit it or not it forms a huge chunk of the kind of person,the social entity,the individual u are isn't it??

But sadly and with shame I have to accept this fact that even though we have been give a fair chance to be free,a fair chance to take our own decision but we keep it all well preserved in some far away corner of our mind and refuse to think beyond the narrow social and in some ways religious boundaries that surround us.

Anyways ......not beating around the bush anymore and coming the gist of the whole conversation-The people who are against this idea say that it isn't natural .They say that it was something that wasn't meant to be,but then all i have to ask is one simple yet very relevant question:

Men i.e. humans weren't supposed to be this way,we were supposed to be savages who ate raw meat (and the occasional green stuff(for the vegetarians out there) ) ,hunt animals,jump from branch to branch like our Ape cousins.Leaving the Evolution theory aside(no offense to Darwin)-we have gone against nature and done countless things for eg. the concrete jungle we live in,the packaged water we drink.,the canned food we eat,the zillion ways in which we strive to live longer and better,the medicines we consume and the ways in which we bring a new life to this world.If we can accept all of this and live happily agreeing with the fact that concrete jungles are in no way nature's brainchild and that we are no longer savages(at least some of us),then why cant some of us digest the fact that our next door neighbor or that "weird" guy we see in the shopping mall has a different way of looking into things.It might seem "un-natural" to most of us but forgive me for saying this it seems natural to him any way he looks at it.We have the right to chose our sexuality,as adults all the of us straight or otherwise have the right to be whatever the want to be and not be bullied by the society or looked down upon by the patronizing eyes that surround us.

We have grown as a country ..prospered as an economy..but still are infants when it comes to the basic things...

all i have to say for those who fought hard to win this battle - i hold u in high regard!!

For the others who still don't accept it as a way of life.... GROW UP!!!