Strange, how some times we don’t even notice how a friendship is going down hill. We take it for granted that things will get sorted out, but deep down inside have this tickling sensation that they never will. We consider ourselves justified in thinking that we had nothing to do with these state of affairs but as the saying goes “It takes two to tango”. No matter how many times we think it over and no matter how we try to console ourselves the blunt truth still eats us from within. The relationship as I said would have been in a state of painful suspense for quite some time. Weeks of not talking and even if u manage to get to that someone to talk all u get is monosyllables, the way I see it silence gives less pain than monosyllables, doesn’t it?? Ultimately what happens is that you start having this feeling of…I wouldn’t say hatred, something less harsh or loud than that. To put it in right words or as the French would say- the “mot juste” would be despise, i.e. you actually start despising that person, no matter how inappropriate and unfair it might sound.
Some say that words over the phone never do justice, I agree, face to face conversation is the best medicine to this ailment. And when the D day comes and you actually start talking face to face, you have this outburst of emotion …… the reason being u feel that u can talk sense into that other person. I know that’s a stupid statement but as Tom Hanks said in his oscar winning Forest Gump – “stupid is what stupid does”. And believe me the stupidity here is not the fact that u had a diarrhea of harsh words or the fact that you only took your emotions into account, the stupidity here is that you didn’t know the other person well enough to realize that he/she would never entertain a difference of opinion.
Then as the days move on, you try to go through the motions and forget that some one, but still contemplate what went wrong and quitely try to find that one stone you probably left unturned .You still put in your efforts (not with the same rigor I might add but an effort none the less) and when you still get silence and the same old monosyllables from the other end you make up your mind. You accept the fact that you have lost some one, someone who at one point of time was very dear to you, some one whom you could open up to. But for all of that-the closeness was interpreted as irritation, the openness you used to cherish was taken as signs of immaturity and weakness and then you make up your mind again, probably for the last time you fear- you lost some one very dear to you…but some one you never really knew.
I understand this feeling now and I know it's too late
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