New year and My New Dreams !!!

We are all made of hopes, dreams, wishes and prayers…..and nothing embodies it all or brings out the best in us than the first few days of the year….don't u think so…….

No matter how good or bad your previous year was…doesn’t matter if u are an optimist or not…doesn’t matter if u are the ultimate cynic this meniagere call society has to provide…one thing is certain, u always put the best foot forward when a new year commences….
You might be the laziest person in town, who could care less about others let alone your own future..but on the 31 st of December before the clock strikes 12 for midnight you have made a new year resolution…..”I will work harder this year” or “I will clear the CAT this year” “I will not be the butt of all jokes in class” so on and so forth…..the list goes on and on….

Happy New Year….these three words are targeted to somehow provide us with the impetus to make our year better…to get up and wipe the dust off our back side and not let the but-print on the couch be a permanent one and do something with our not so perfect life.

But from here on …at least from next year..when I say happy new year to anyone..friend, enemy, rakhi sawant or whoever..i would mean just one thing…and this would apply to me as well….hope I live up to my “new year resolutions” and hope that next year by this time ….no matter how unforgiving this past year has been to me on an academic or professional or personal front , I still have one thing I can smile about….the fact that I atleast tried…….

Coz no amount of day dreaming or gazing at the sky with your mouth wide open will help u get what you want……there are only 2 ways…

One……you have to be god damn lucky every single time….best of luck with that
Or there is the more pragmatic way…Become the Author of to your dreams…….

What the **** are toilets for…….

I have been living in bangalore for over a year now….the climate is great…..the food even though its expensive its pretty much ok….there are lots of places to hang out, although for the best part of the day I am an introvert I would still like to keep my options open….let me warn u, there are some very pertinent and perrinial problems like the Traffic, Auto drivers who want to be millionaires with their night time fares or the occassional eunuch you see on the road dressed for a marriage yet begging for money and demanding for it at the same time, I can still safely say that I love this place……

Now u guys …(the few whom I persuade to read the jibberish I come up with)..must be wondering what the title of this blog stands for…..

My office is near by Majestic Bus stand….i am sure all of you know were dat is….every day at about 9 in the morning I get down at platform 13 and walk on the fly over and drag myself through the plethora of people around me to get to the office….As u make your way out of the bus stand, you cant help but notice a whole motley of vendors on the pavement outside… I can literally make out their faces now…probably even draw a sketch or a caricature of them….and even if one of them goes missing one day I would notice it ….dats how inconspicuous and “perfect to my eye” they have become….Its like people have staked their claim on the pavement outside…there are a couple of guys who have set up their stalls selling mobile phone gizmos(never have I seen anyone buyin anything from them), then there is this guy selling mirrors and other bric and brak…there is a small “pandal” selling shoes of all brands..from bata to georgio armani….and then there are my favourite people the “poori walas”, never in my life have I seen people more aggressive and passionate about their work….The have their work divided amongst themselves…there are guys who spread out the dough, guys who put it on the pan, guys who serve it, guys who collect the money and guys who do the marketing bit and boy all of them do a good job…..Who says u need an MBA to be a manager..Arindam Choudary…better write a book on these folks next time….

After writing all of this I realise I have deviated from my topic….

So let me steer my self back on to my “blog Track”

Right beside the poori walas Empire….is a big wall…I don’t know wats on the other side…but it’s a big wall nonetheless ……

And you cant help but notice that some one has taken the effort to clean the pavement….how do u know dat, some of my passionate followers might ask…well I bet u can make out the marks left on the pavement after water has dried out..water which someone obviously used to clean the pavement….Einstien…..

And then you see the occassional Guy who is relieving himslef against the same wall….I don’t know about others but I seriously feel like kicking him where it hurts the most, for crying out loud …he has some audacity to do dat and spoil some ones early morning effort…whereas a 2 rupee coin would give him a toilet and some privacy, which he obviously is oblivious about.

Any ways……. I like to go to office with a clear mind and some how try to erase those thoughts from my mind….Most of the days I have an easy time at the office and at about 8 or nine in the evening I pack my bags and walk back with my friends to the bus stand….

And when I am about to reach the same wall….yeah you are correct …the very wall …against which a moron was proving his shamlessness and exercising his so called “Male earned rights”…..I cant help but notice dat there are almost ten or twenty times the number of morons …..and that some one has cleaned the pavement again..and tis time u can actually see the water…it hasn’t dried off!!!!!

And right about the time when you start appreciating the cleaners persistance and loyalty towards his work…you feel ashamed of the fact dat you are a “Man”…..What you think is water is something else…..and I bet you know where I am coming from…or to be more precise where the water is coming from…The marks that you see every morning are not the marks left behind when water evaporated they are somehting else…..And there is so much of it dat I actually feel the poori walas gang would have a boat hidden somewhere near by for the imminent flood …….

I lose my sense of respect for the Poori walas..coz they sell food around such filth….i feel sorry for vendors who despite the odour sit and sell their cheap merchandise….i feel sorry for me and my friends for having walked through all of that not knowing wat it was…..But most of all I feel sorry for those elegant Artists who have their work displayed free of cost on the wall and on the pavement….

Its high time they are paid for their work….At this rate even if the poori walas drown or not…..those artists will probably die of dehydration or working for free….dats for sure….

And if that happens…..My God ……..dat will bring a smile to my face….Coz never have I been more ashamed of being a man……….

Pictures of my life!!!

every day I paint a new picture,one that becomes my life
dont paint with colors but with emotions, I know will never suffice
I dont paint rainbows nor mountains nor the sun shining through clouds
Mine are more elaborate, even though time wears the shapes out
My pictures are never complete, for the next day I add on more
But they speak more than my words can, of that I am so sure
my dreams give me more colors and with them I paint my days
they give my life more meaning and make my pain allay

Everyday i paint a new picture, one from my days long gone
I paint with colors not emotions,it hurts to be fake, but I still carry on
I know it is futile but, still I try to change those days
Try to paint clouds and rainbows,try to paint a smile on my face
Even though now the pictures are complete,to them I can't relate
For all they speak is silence and all they show is hate
I dont want to paint those days any more as my colors have dried up now
I have chosen to paint my days ahead, I have chosen to make them count

The word i Dread!!!!!!!!!!

The people whom i care about are not those who always make me laugh, they are not those who stick to me no matter what i have done(right or wrong), in fact they disappoint me time and again.
Let me also add that my standards are very dubious and i have them for every one except myself.
Also, many people disappoint me(both friends, foes and even those i don't know), but the people whom i am still able to talk eye to eye even though they disappoint me are those i care about. I am biased towards them, sometimes blatantly back them no matter what, but what i want to prove is that i will be there even if they think i am not worthy of their trust! Not only to shower praises on them but also bare the brunt if push comes to shove!!

I thought my worst fear was the feeling that "i was hated by some one", i couldn't live with that thought in mind. Then i thought that being indifferent in someones eyes is worse. But now i know the thing i fear the most.....
What is that u might ask!!!!

Well its being classified as "Everybody".Comprehend??? No?? Well, let me explain...........

I don't expect the people whom i care about to reelect the same feeling towards me. Because i know that would be very unjust to them. but having said that, what would be more unjust is them telling me not to care about them........ Who in the name of God gave them that divine right???

I care about someone not because they were good to me during the times i was a mess, probably sulking around. Instead i care about them because i want to be good to them no matter what. Because being good to the people i care about make me happy, above all.... And I shamelessly admit it!!!!!

I couldn't care less if they don't have the same feeling of warmth towards me(although i admit that at times it hurts a bit), i wouldn't mind if they started hating me(even though i would cry for some time, i know i will get over,eventually). but one thing i know for sure is that, it would KILL me if the people i care about classify me as "every one".


Be it through love or be it through hate i want to be special in some regard in their life, for one thing i know hate and love look a lot alike from where i stand!!!!!!
but being categorized as "everyone" that doesn't make u special.That just makes u another one to make up the numbers,another marking on the wall and another person in the crowd.

I for one dont want to be that..........

Someday!!!!!!!!

Someday I will fly

and the world will want to be me

Someday I will stand tall

I'll forget the shame and once again breathe

Some day I will cry

and my tears will wash away the scars I have

Someday I will scream

the silence that imprisons me will break at last

some day I will forget

all the pain I endured in my struggle to be free

Someday I will break

the shackles that bind me and my dreams

Someday I will no longer run away

but will conquer fear with the memories long gone

Someday I will no longer complain

for then I will have all I ever want

Someday I will smile

for then I will finally start to believe

Someday when I have gone away

The world will stand still and cry for me

its time we lost the war

fought hard not to break down, fought to not fail

didnt realise the time we lost and the friends that went away

emotions took a beating but stuck to our way of life

but our victories left us stranded and our greed wouldn't suffice

were passionate about our endeavours but forgot how once we smiled

how once we dream't all through the day, into the night

defeat was not an option for it left us hungry for more

victory became our prerogative although it left us unsure

jelousy became a companion, life a long lost cause

indifference became second nature, to life and what we lost

ambitions became pretexts for why we all had changed

forgot to let our eyes speak instead we spoke disdain

we fought,but it got us nowhere, although medals we have galore

we win all our battles, but i hope we lose the war
____________________________________________

indestructable

every time I tried to fly, I fell down time and time again

only to give it one more try, even as the world made fun of my shame

never saw the stars up close, never soared through the clouds

but always believed I would make it some day..some day..without a doubt..

each time I failed and fell to the ground below, my spirit took a greater fall

but slowly as I began to rise, I had a smile, though the height I rose was small

and then one day when I saw the stars, felt the clouds with my naked hand

I realised that I missed the ones I'd left..I missed the feel of sand

I knew I couldn't get back there for only higher could I fly

the thought that I wouldn't walk again made me want to cry

so I stopped flapping my wings, it broke my heart as I did

falling through the clouds I had the sight of land ...I had so missed

I knew the fall would hurt me but I battled fear with a smile

I comforted my self by saying..that the pain would only last a while

and then when I hit the ground, it broke my wings but my spirit remained intact

I knew I would never fly again but I got the courage I always lacked